| Jul. 20th, 2009 @ 01:02 pm www.imacheatingbastard.com |
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Current Mood: ranty
On the cover of the metro today is a stick figure cartoon of two smiling people in bed, a man and a woman. "37,852 people in Boston are looking to have an affair!" it gleefully states. The ad is for a service called AshleyMadison.com, a dating service for married people looking to have a Discreet Affair. What. The. Fuck. Should I start a web page for people who want to steal? How about a site where you can hire people to kill someone for you?
According to "some survey" 20 million Americans are in a sexless marriage. Whether she's too tired, or he's just not that into you, or she doesn't feel attractive, it's been a long standing joke that sex ends once you are married. I have numerous friends who can prove this isn't true, but let's leave that aside for a moment. The founder of IAmACheatingBastard.com believes that most men and women want to stay married, but are forced to find intimacy elsewhere. He thinks that he can help couples satisfy their sexual needs while keeping their marriage intact. His website has 4 million members. The founder claims his company didn't invent infidelity, and that people denied their sexual intimacy will get it elsewhere. He provides a safe site for people to do just that.
Wow, where do I begin. Lets look at the common factors of sexless marriages (these are the listed factors, not my definitions, not my research)
1. She's too tired. Sometimes, one or two of you are going to be in the mood for sex, and the other isn't. That's called reality, folks. Now if one party never seems to want to have sex or has the time/energy for it, talk to them and try to work something out. Maybe one of your can help out more and take some of the work off the other's back. Talk it out, and find a way to make the time.
2. He's Just Not That Into You - If you aren't into the person, DON'T GET MARRIED. Part of wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone means they are the only person you want to sleep with. Don't settle, be honest. If your partner just isn't exciting you, then find someone who will. Relationships are about more than sex, but be honest with how you prioritize it. Don't pretend it's not that big a deal, then get angry down the road when your drive changes.
3. She Doesn't Feel That Attractive Anymore - How you feel is ultimately up to you to control, but if your partner isn't feeling attractive, step up and show them they are. Treat them nice, work a little romance, pretend you're trying to woo them all voer again. Make them feel special. Marriage is a partnership, partners help each other out.
You want to know what really pissed me off about IAmACheatingBastard.com? The legitimize dishonesty. They are selling betrayal. There are all kinds of arguments about how humans are not monogamous by nature, how we are hardwired to find multiple partners. There are open marriages, and poly relationships, and all sorts of alternatives to monogamy. I'm not debating any of those points. What I'm mad about is a website that encourages someone to sleep with someone else while not telling their partner. If you aren't getting any satisfaction in your marriage, talk to your partner and find out why. Masturbation can scratch the physical itch, but there can still be emotional intimacy that is missing. If that's the case, then COMMUNICATION is once again the key. Talk to your spouse about seeing someone else, open up your marriage, or end it. You have kids complicating the issue? Go back to communication and compromise. Figure something out, but do it openly. Few things cut to the heart as much as finding out your SO is cheating on you.
Intimacy and romance aren't a given. Once that initial rush of chemicals and hormones and sex wears off, you need to build your intimacy on other things. Respect, trust, companionship. If you made a decision in your vows to cleave to one other alone, in sickness and in health, then do so.
Thoughts, comments? |
quixotic
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tired
amused
curious